Today is the birthday of someone who’s very special to me but also someone with whom the relationship certainly hasn’t always been easy. We’ve had our ups as downs, shall we say… So, it seems like an appropriate time to write about a topic I’ve been pondering over for a while now – letting go of anger and living a life of love.
We have all been through difficult times in relationships, romantic or other. Times when feelings of anger, frustration and hurt bring us to boiling point. Times when our heads are crowded with painful thoughts and our hearts physically ache with the anguish of whatever disappointment or betrayal we have faced from the one we love. Times even when we have wanted to scream and shout and throw something at the other person out of sheer frustration that our expectations have not been met.
I don’t think I speak only for myself when I say that relationships can drive us crazy. And not just when we’re in them – when they’re over too.
In my experience the break up aftermath can be worse than the fights themselves. Because one is always left with a million unanswered questions. How is he feeling now? Is he thinking about me too? Did he really love me? Is he with someone else? Could I have done something differently? Will I ever find happiness again?
And then there are the deeper resentments that, consciously or not, we store inside, manifesting in deep feelings of anger and insecurity.
Although I know it’ll take time, it’s my goal to do my best to rid myself of these destructive feelings, from all my past relationships. Because what I have realised while doing some soul searching recently, is that being angry and resentful serves no purpose. It doesn’t change the past and it doesn’t change the other person; it only serves to cause me suffering.
The reality is, it’s only in my head that these conversations play out: my own internal turmoil which can drive me crazy, if I let it. But I have the power to stop that. How?
Well, some of the things that are working for me are: yoga, meditation, writing down my feelings (privately or blogging), talking with people about my feelings, and focussing on myself in general – finding things that make me feel inspired, creative and alive. When you do that, pretty soon you find your head isn’t so crowded with negative thoughts.
Another trick I’ve found is instead of trying to block the difficult emotions out, or stop thinking about the associated person altogether, to instead try and think about their good qualities and the positive experiences that person has given you. No one is pure evil (or I hope not) and no matter how traumatic a relationship was, there is always something good which you can take from it – either happy times to reflect on or a positive learning experience which you can take from it that can help you grow as a person.
So today I’m truly wishing this person well, as despite the tears I’ve cried over him, he is a wonderful person, I’ve learnt a lot about myself by knowing him, had some amazing times and met amazing people. For that, he’ll always be in my heart and I only wish him happiness.
If I had to sum up how I feel right now (as I write this with a genuine smile on my face), it’d be this…
Peace and love x